apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize