At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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