We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
