so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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