I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
