Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i out mim tonsoeep
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
