3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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