we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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