ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
