3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
