Already got asked if we're dating
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
