i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
