i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
