Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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