I wannas sexs uuuuu
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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