I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
