marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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