Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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