I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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