i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
