"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
