The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Randomize