So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
