and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
