Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
