my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize