I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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