You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
