Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
