you're like a bully in the Christmas story
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
