Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
