Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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