I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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