somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
