We're facebook friends in real life
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
