I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
