I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
