Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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