What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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