the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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