ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
