i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
