my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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