Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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