I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
