you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
