It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
