Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
