What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
