I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
