he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
