I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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