I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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