If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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