You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
