we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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