It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
