I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
