My friends, they love my intelligence
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
