She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
