wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
