I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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