Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
