If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize