im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
