i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize