I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
