Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
