This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
