i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
