OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
