ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
