It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize