Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sponge bath it is.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
