How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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