When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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