Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
