she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
