i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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