I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize