Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the day after is always just damage control
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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