who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize