dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
