Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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