I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
