im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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