90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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