from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
