Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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