It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
