my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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