dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
