And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
