u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
