Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
