so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
