he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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