Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
