I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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