How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
