My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
