I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
