Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Send help, water and tortillas.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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