No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize