I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
