You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize