I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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