Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
