so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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